A Slippery Slope to Crazy Town

by Type A Mom

I was voted least likely to be a stay-at-home mom. If this had been a yearbook category in high school (or college or my early 20s), I would have won it. I remember vividly having a discussion with my husband -- whose mom stayed home with him and his sister -- when we were first dating: “Look, if you want a wife who is going to stay home and raise kids, you should find someone else,” I said.

I was (and am) Type A all the way. Pre-kids, I woke up each morning and raced to the computer to check the news. I took calls at night and on weekends. I stayed up late and woke up early to work on speeches when it was quiet. I was one of a small crew that opened up the gym every morning at 5:30 a.m.

I bet you can see the plot twist coming here…

Then when my son was born almost 4 years ago (wow, that’s hard to believe), I just couldn’t go back. As the end of my maternity leave neared, I wrestled with what to do. I was in completely uncharted territory here. I had a plan – we had daycare lined up, I had fought for my job just 6 months prior, we had a new house with a big mortgage. I always followed the plan. Except this time.

I spent a couple of weeks struggling to figure out some arrangement that would allow me to feel ok about going back to work. Maybe I could just work part-time. Maybe my parents could help take care of the baby. Maybe I could work from home. Every day there was a different “solution.” And every time the thought of going back to work surfaced, I cried – giant, ugly tears that wouldn’t stop. Everyone was sick of hearing about it. Hell, I was sick of hearing about it.

I went back for one half day and that sealed the deal. I just couldn’t stand to sit in meetings and chit chat with coworkers while my kid was at home. My decision wasn’t out of any ideological bent or strong-held belief. It wasn’t because of any distrust of daycare (I actually think there are a lot of positives for socialization and learning). It was just the right thing for me.

Now before you think this post ends with me espousing my newfound “balance” and “priorities,” let me stop you right there. Rest assured that I have neither tranquility nor perspective on the meaning of life. Because quitting my job was the beginning of a great adventure, but it can also be described as the beginning of a slippery slope to crazy town.

See, you can take the girl out of the job but you can’t take the Type A out of the girl (Despite what my husband claims, I do not believe there is any such thing as a reformed Type A). So, I decided to pick up a little freelance work. You know, stuff to do while the baby napped. A little extra money here and there. Then there was the opportunity to get my master’s through an online program. Sure, why not. The work became more consistent and before I knew it I was basically working part-time and in school part-time while staying home with two kids full-time.

That can be crazy-making and although I’m not that great at math, I know the hours don’t add up.

When my daughter was born I took my laptop to the hospital. When the baby was out for some test or another, I took a few minutes to finish up one last work project. The nurse questioned my sanity when she returned, but I quickly responded that there would be no nurses to help me at home. Better get the work in while I could! Yes, when you work for yourself, there really is no such thing as maternity leave.

Sometimes it seems I have the worst of both worlds. My life has become the ultimate challenge in balance. Juggling kids’ schedules, work time and school time (oh, yeah and my husband wants to hang out sometimes too). There is precious little “free” time. A skipped nap, a sick kid or a late babysitter can throw my whole world into disarray.

Don’t get me wrong. I am very blessed. Most of the time I think I have the best of both worlds. I get to spend lots of time with my kids every day, and I still get to be challenged professionally.

I’m not superwoman. But no one is.

My kids are not perfect angels. But no one’s are.

We’re all a little crazy. But, I wouldn’t change it for anything.